Me & my Mom

My mom has been gone for a few years now. It seems like after she was gone I realized how much more I loved her and depended on her. I used to think that I was just like my dad because I totally look like him and acted silly and goofy like him. I also thought that my sister was just like our mom because she looked just like her and was quiet and more reserved. However, after she was gone I started to see so many things in my life that were completely my mom. I loved that! It was a connection that I had with her that I hadn’t realized even existed until she was gone. I miss her so much!

She’s the one who taught me all about homemaking. Sewing, crocheting, knitting, embroidery, baking. I guess my creative mind came from her. There were ALWAYS homemade cookies in the house. I really thought all moms did that.

She was able to stay at home to take care of the house and our family. This example is what I followed before my kids went to school. I treasure those years I was able to stay at home with them.

She had been a diabetic since she was 7 years old. That took a toll on her body. The doctors didn’t want her to have any more children after my sister was born but, I came along only 14 short months later. After I was born she was in a coma for 5 days, the doctors didn’t expect her to survive. It was truly through the power of prayer that my mother survived. Along with my dad she was able to raise my sister and I and also live to see 4 grandchildren grow up.

While thinking about the similarities that I share with my mom I have found something that isn’t as fun as other traits. She suffered from depression and anxiety for years. She was a quiet woman and her generation was not accepting of anything negative regarding mental health. I think she was embarrassed to admit how she was feeling and did not seek counseling. In actuality I don’t think she realized she needed help. Her generation would say that she was “down in the dumps”. By the time she went to see a doctor about this, her anxiety was out of control and she was never able to be the person that she had been before.

Fast forward to where I am right now. Depression is a real thing in my life. I recognize it. It comes and goes. I try to be proactive with it when I sense it sneeking up on me. I feel bad when I think about how my mom suffered and was embarrassed and ashamed. I learned that there are so many people in this world who suffer from it. This is not a choice, it’s a mental issue that can be helped. During this season of “happy family gatherings” there are many who are struggling. They are sad and can’t figure out why when they have people around them who love them. Many people can cover it up so we may not see it. Ask caring questions. Sometimes all it takes is someone who loves you and asks “how are you REALLY doing?”. Don’t give up! Seek counsel, there is help for everyone!

I had a dream about my mom the other night. I guess that’s why she’s been on my mind. In my dream she had been gone for awhile. It was just my dad & I. We were getting along, just ok. Something was missing. All of a sudden my mom shows up full of energy and laughing and telling stories. She was a different person. She was mentally and physically healthy. It was so refreshing!! I had NEVER seen my mother with the positive energy flowing through her like this. I think God was reminding me that she’s ok. She’s in heaven where there’s no more suffering, no more tears! I have to work on my mental health to stay mentally healthy. It’s not anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s just a bump in the road.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 2:4