Planting a tree

It all started two years ago. The grief of losing my sister was still very fresh . . .

We had a beautiful family memorial service set in a park right by a pond. It was very lovely! That same day there was a public service at her church, it was packed! She was loved by so many . . . it makes me sad to think that while she was alive she didn’t recognize this. I hope she saw how many people really did love her!

Anyone who has gone through this will understand how difficult it is. I did not live in the same state as my sister so I really didn’t know many of her friends. Everybody wanted to talk to me . . . I went into a little room and just sat there until most of her friends were gone. I felt like I was expected to be “hostess” but I just couldn’t. I know this was selfish of me. They were paying their respects and I appreciated it . . . I just wanted to crawl in a hole . . . go to sleep . . . wake up to how things used to be! I was still in a state of shock . . . this just couldn’t be happening!

People grieve so differently. Some people don’t ever want to be alone. They feel comfort surrounded by people. I was completely opposite from this. I didn’t want to be around anyone. My immediate family were all the people I needed at the time. This made it difficult since I work with the public. I learned how to mask my pain while at work. For the most part people probably thought I was doing really well when inside I was still in deep pain.

Janet was cremated, so there will not be a grave to visit. I felt like I needed something that represented her life where I could go and talk to her. I thought this would would be so helpful! My friends in Kansas didn’t know my sister, this made it seem like I was grieving alone, except for my immediate family.

“May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed”. Psalm 20:4

I had read a book on grief my daughter-in-law had shared with me. It helped to know that someone else had experienced the deep pain that I was in the middle of. The author shared some ideas that were helpful for her. One idea was to plant something to represent your loved one. Right away I thought I wanted to plant a tree! Not a little rose bush or flower garden, I knew it had to be a tree!

All winter I kept thinking about the possibility of planting a tree. I didn’t know what kind of tree to plant or even where to plant it but I knew I HAD to plant a tree! I don’t know anything about trees . . . I mean NOTHING! I’m kind of a girly girl. I love outdoors and I really don’t mind a little dirty work but I have never had the need to know anything about trees. I guess I still don’t, but I do know more now than I did a couple of years ago!

As spring was approaching I knew I needed to be making some decisions about what and where. Anyone who knows me, knows I am very slow at making decisions! I had kind of wanted to plant this tree on some of our family land. I wanted to be alone when I would visit this tree. I asked my husband about it and he agreed that it would be a good place to plant it. My daughters friend Nick, has a landscaping business. I consulted him and he offered to plant it for me.

The only guidance I gave him regarding what I wanted was that it had to bloom in the spring and the leaves needed to change colors. I wanted to see that this tree represented life, and having seasonal changes showed me there was life within the tree.

The date was set to meet Nick at the greenhouse. April 28, 2018. The only way to describe my feelings that morning while driving to meet him was like a child anticipating Christmas! I could hardly contain my excitement!

There were so many choices. Like I said before, decisions are hard for me. This one was so important . . . it would represent my beautiful sister! Nick helped me decide what kind of tree to get, I decided on an Ornamental Choke Cherry. Then I had to decide which one . . . again, another decision. I told him to narrow it down to two and then I would pick from there.

Something unexpected happened as the day was progressing. Throughout the day the lord showed me His presence in so many ways! I didn’t know what to think at first. It was like a vision. He was showing me how the tree and Janet’s illness were kind of the same. The journey’s were very similar.

As Nick was looking the trees over it was like a doctor examining a patient. He carefully looked up and down the trunk and took a look at the roots. It brought back memories of how Janet’s doctors examined her and checked over everything very thoroughly. After narrowing my choices down to two trees it didn’t take long for me to pick one. I had picked out a tree and it was perfect!

Now it was time to load the tree into the truck. Again, my ignorance of anything tree related was so evident at this time. I was completely trusting Nick. I’m so grateful that God brought him along to guide me for this special time! While he was loading up the tree he was so gentle. He took extra care to protect it while it was being moved.

After the tree was in the truck he wrapped it with twine and then with a tarp. He very gently turned it to get the tarp wrapped completely around it. He took extra care to protect it while it was being moved. We were going to plant the tree over an hour away in the middle of a pasture. It needed to be prepared for this long journey.

While I was watching the tree being so gently cared for, my mind went back to the hospital where I watched the nurses take care of Janet when they had to move her and she was in so much pain. I’m so thankful for the love and compassion the nurses had for Janet. It was a really tough job, but they did it with so much love and care.

As the day was progressing, in a strange way this tree was beginning to represent my sister. All of the steps dealing with this tree were bringing parallels in my mind. The tree . . . my sister. When I began to realize this I thought, this is so strange yet so amazing! I recognized it as a gift God was giving me and I just embraced it!

The tree was loaded and ready to go. The place I had chosen to plant it was on some of our pasture land. As we were driving there I was directly behind the truck with the tree. I felt like we were driving in a funeral procession. It was strange . . . I didn’t feel sad . . . I was happy! The excitement was building the closer we got to the pasture.

The place where I had chosen to plant is so beautiful. There is a small pond right beside it and will be somewhat protected from the strong Kansas winds. Janet would’ve loved it!

“He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for it’s leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8

There is ALOT of digging involved with planting a tree. Thankfully we had some of my family there to help. When it was time for the tree to go into it’s permanent home Nick looked at me and asked me what direction I wanted it and other specifics. More decisions. He said this is your tree you get to decide how you want it. To me it really didn’t matter . . . everything just seemed so perfect. At one point Nick made a comment that it was the prettiest tree out there. I loved this! To me it really was!

When we were finished with everything, I had such a peace in my heart that I can’t even explain. It was a perfect day. It had been a very dark and depressing Winter. On this glorious Spring day I realized that God had restored my JOY!

“ . . . weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

As the tree continues to grow . . . I am also. It’s hard to explain how planting this tree has changed my life. I am seeking God while I am continually working on my grief journey. As we dug into the earth to plant this tree . . . I am also digging into God’s word. As the trees roots grow deep into the soil . . . I am becoming rooted as I am learning to be the person God wants me to be. Planting this tree started out simply to help me recover from losing my sister . . . it’s become so much more. The parallels continue . . . only now it’s this beautiful tree and my spiritual journey.