Author: 2faithfulsisters

As I’ve written before, I have a special place where I planted a special tree. This amazing adventure has changed my life!

I had a dream of building a fence to surround this special tree. I wasn’t sure if it would ever become a reality but hey, a girls gotta have some dreams – right?!

The setting for this tree is pretty much in the middle of a pasture with a cute pond right beside it. During part of the year there are cows that are living on this piece of land, not to mention the deer and other wildlife whose homes are nestled right there too.

When the tree was first planted, a small fence was put up right around the base of it to protect it from all the deer and wildlife. It has served it’s purpose. The tree is stronger and much taller than when it was first planted. It has survived MANY strong Kansas wind storms!

When the dream of building a fence started. I had thought it might look a little rustic – something like what would be on Little House on the Prairie. I called it a corral. I just wanted something simple. My dream included planting some perineal flowers with a little bench. It was going to be cute! My sweet little oasis – out in the middle of a pasture!

The first couple of years after planting the tree were growing times – for me and the tree. I used this time to heal my soul after losing my sister. I would go out to this special place to think and cry and do whatever I needed to do. I felt like I was ready for the next phase of this adventure. I was hoping this year the dream of the fence would become a reality. My husband Lon knew about my dream. He also knew I would be the one to decide when I was ready for things to get started and he realized he would probably be the one to build it! This is how he loves me! He knew how important this was to me – my dreams became his as well.

It was so fun to be able to work on this project together. It has shown me the kind and sensitive and very smart man he is! I’ve always known these things about him – I’m still amazed at how sweet and generous he really is! Lon is a very quiet man that has a huge heart! He doesn’t like a lot of attention on himself so, this post will make him a little uncomfortable. I’m just so proud of him and I think he deserves some recognition!

Just like planting a tree – I didn’t have a clue about building a fence! During this past winter Lon would occasionally ask me if I wanted to go up to the farm to look at some things that “might work for your fence”. He was thinking about it – he was taking on the fence project. This made me smile to know he was trying to figure out how to do this. Our farm is about 30 miles north of town so we had a few little road trips to see what things we might find to build the fence. Usually these little trips were on Sunday afternoons. It was so fun to just hang out looking for treasures! This was early spring – it was exciting to be out in nature exploring with my husband! It was good for my soul!

Lon would sometimes say what do you think about doing this or that for your fence. It made me love him even more to know that he understood the importance of this fence. He was actually putting more thought into it than I was!

He knew I didn’t want a brand new looking fence. That would look a little strange in the pasture. We talked about putting some wagon wheels together or parts of old tractors that my father-n-law had taken apart. He was trying to keep the rustic look and I liked the history part of it.

Well as time went on those ideas where scrapped. We decided to go with an old galvanized fence with a scallop looking top. Lon had an old roll and we thought there would be enough of it for this project.

We began with measuring, then marking the places where the posts were to be with little flags. When I saw the layout of where the fence would be I felt like I was at the beginning of building a brand new house only it was just a fence in the middle of the pasture. The dream I had was starting to take shape!

There were 10 posts to put up. That’s a lot of digging by hand with a post hole digger! Lon did it all by himself. Anyone who knows him will understand if there is a job to be done, he just does it – he doesn’t stop to ask for help. Since it’s right by a pond he would run into sand. The post hole digger didn’t work very well with sand so, he literally would lay flat on his belly to scoop out the sand till it was at the depth where we needed it to be. I was right there cheering him on!

While we were putting in the posts we would measure and make sure they were as straight as could be. The ground is definitely not level so that brought about a few obstacles. We figured out how to get around these bumps in the road together. Team work!

Now it was time to put up the gate. I had several old gates to choose from at our farm that Lon had been saving over the years. We took another trip up there for me to pick out the one I wanted. I felt fortunate to be able to choose from several!

Now came the tedious part of making a latch for the fence post to match the latch on the gate and having everything fit perfectly! Luckily Lon has some pretty good blacksmithing skills that allowed him to whip out a latch pretty quickly. All of this was so much more complicated than I ever could have imagined!

The work involved leading up to putting up a fence is pretty intense. We live in a rural community, we are surrounded by fence – I have a deeper appreciation for all the hard work that goes into building these. As we drive by all the fence, I can see different styles that some have used. Just like cooking or sewing, everyone has there own twist or flare to get what they want. Some fences look like they hired the fence to be put up while others look a little more homemade. They all accomplish the same thing. Either to keep things out or keep things in.

I kept asking Lon when we would be able to actually put up the fence. It seemed like all the foundational work was taking forever! It was fun to work together on this project and I was learning so much, but the waiting was hard! It seemed like we were ready to put up the fence then we had to do one more thing before we could.

The day finally arrived where we could put up the fence! As we began to unroll it, we could see the fence that we’d been saving for this project wasn’t in good condition. It wouldn’t be good enough to put around the tree! We had worked so hard getting to this point, especially Lon! It was so disappointing.

There wasn’t much we could do. We went home, Lon went to the shop and I went into the house. I felt so deflated! We had worked so hard! Disappointment was an understatement! I knew Lon’s work schedule was to start getting busy pretty soon. If we were going to be able to put up the fence, now was the time to get it done. We were so close, yet without a fence you can’t put up a fence. I wondered why the Lord would bring us to this stopping point so abruptly.

We thought about finding a new fence that looked old. I looked online and wasn’t able to find anything. Lon suggested that I put something on our local buy, sell, trade to see if anyone might have some laying around that we could purchase. We didn’t need very much of it.

Almost immediately I got a response from a man who lives in our town. He said he had some that might work for us. Lon & I went to look at it later that evening, I was shocked and so surprised to see what he had! It was exactly what we wanted and it was brand new! And he just gave it to us – for free!! This is the type of fence that you can’t even purchase new anymore. He had an entire roll that was still brand new!! I can’t tell you how excited I was!

Lon told me I was the luckiest girl he’d ever known. I knew differently – the Lord had his hand in this! He was teaching me that He was the one planning this, and because of this little set back (it seemed big at the time) my faith grew a bit more.

These are the things that build our faith. Little things that just seem to work out when we can’t figure out why. We just need to recognize them as a gift God has given us and give thanks for these special gifts! So because of this, I want to thank my amazing husband who shows his love for me through his hard work. Lon, you have been a gift God has given me, thank you for loving me, and thanks for building my cute fence!

As I prepared for Thanksgiving this year I was reminded of what’s important in our lives. Our world has been turned upside down with a pandemic, politics, rioting . . . hateful negativity in general. I’m happy to let you know that there is SO MUCH MORE to focus on than all of the bad. There’s still a lot of good in our world, we need to take the time and see what’s right in front of us. If we begin to fill our minds with positive thinking, focusing on the little things in our lives will become more important.

“Whatever is worthy of respect, just, pure, lovely, commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Our whole family was home for Thanksgiving this year. This makes my heart so happy but, it can also cause some anxiety. I have high expectations for these times. In my mind I want everything to be as nice as possible however, when 3 preschoolers, 4 dogs, 6 adults, plus all the paraphernalia that is packed for an extended trip, chaos usually follows.

I have been working on recognizing things that God has gifted us. This is a list that I have compiled from this weekend.

4 year olds with a new/used Barbie dream house

relaxing morning coffee chats with the girls!

early morning hunts for the guys.

mother/daughter laugh till you cry turkey prepping

small towns

granddaughters helping make pumpkin pie

lovely Elsa duet concert – into the unknown anyone?!

successful turkey bake

dishes . . . dishes . . . and . . . more dishes!

huge brussel sprouts

cousins dragging a tunnel outside

outside play time

family working together in the kitchen

birthday girls

watching my big little boy shooting hoops again

swinging

4th generation on the steps at Longfellow

courageous little girls

finding treasures

yummy hot chocolate

whipped cream

messy counters & clean counters

fun hat finds

birthday presents

pots & pots of coffee

big girls who like the little girls presents

daddy’s shoulders

sisters

parades

christmas lights

black friday shopping

quiet early mornings

puppy snuggles

trail of socks everywhere

road trip to the farm with grandpa and dad

driveway full of cars

When I see this lengthy list it makes me smile. God has been so good to me . . . to all of us! The blessings in our lives are gifts from the Lord. When we recognize them in this way the little things in life begin to be the big things. As we move into the advent season let’s continue to be searching for all the gifts God has given us, especially the gift of his son Jesus.

It all started two years ago. The grief of losing my sister was still very fresh . . .

We had a beautiful family memorial service set in a park right by a pond. It was very lovely! That same day there was a public service at her church, it was packed! She was loved by so many . . . it makes me sad to think that while she was alive she didn’t recognize this. I hope she saw how many people really did love her!

Anyone who has gone through this will understand how difficult it is. I did not live in the same state as my sister so I really didn’t know many of her friends. Everybody wanted to talk to me . . . I went into a little room and just sat there until most of her friends were gone. I felt like I was expected to be “hostess” but I just couldn’t. I know this was selfish of me. They were paying their respects and I appreciated it . . . I just wanted to crawl in a hole . . . go to sleep . . . wake up to how things used to be! I was still in a state of shock . . . this just couldn’t be happening!

People grieve so differently. Some people don’t ever want to be alone. They feel comfort surrounded by people. I was completely opposite from this. I didn’t want to be around anyone. My immediate family were all the people I needed at the time. This made it difficult since I work with the public. I learned how to mask my pain while at work. For the most part people probably thought I was doing really well when inside I was still in deep pain.

Janet was cremated, so there will not be a grave to visit. I felt like I needed something that represented her life where I could go and talk to her. I thought this would would be so helpful! My friends in Kansas didn’t know my sister, this made it seem like I was grieving alone, except for my immediate family.

“May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed”. Psalm 20:4

I had read a book on grief my daughter-in-law had shared with me. It helped to know that someone else had experienced the deep pain that I was in the middle of. The author shared some ideas that were helpful for her. One idea was to plant something to represent your loved one. Right away I thought I wanted to plant a tree! Not a little rose bush or flower garden, I knew it had to be a tree!

All winter I kept thinking about the possibility of planting a tree. I didn’t know what kind of tree to plant or even where to plant it but I knew I HAD to plant a tree! I don’t know anything about trees . . . I mean NOTHING! I’m kind of a girly girl. I love outdoors and I really don’t mind a little dirty work but I have never had the need to know anything about trees. I guess I still don’t, but I do know more now than I did a couple of years ago!

As spring was approaching I knew I needed to be making some decisions about what and where. Anyone who knows me, knows I am very slow at making decisions! I had kind of wanted to plant this tree on some of our family land. I wanted to be alone when I would visit this tree. I asked my husband about it and he agreed that it would be a good place to plant it. My daughters friend Nick, has a landscaping business. I consulted him and he offered to plant it for me.

The only guidance I gave him regarding what I wanted was that it had to bloom in the spring and the leaves needed to change colors. I wanted to see that this tree represented life, and having seasonal changes showed me there was life within the tree.

The date was set to meet Nick at the greenhouse. April 28, 2018. The only way to describe my feelings that morning while driving to meet him was like a child anticipating Christmas! I could hardly contain my excitement!

There were so many choices. Like I said before, decisions are hard for me. This one was so important . . . it would represent my beautiful sister! Nick helped me decide what kind of tree to get, I decided on an Ornamental Choke Cherry. Then I had to decide which one . . . again, another decision. I told him to narrow it down to two and then I would pick from there.

Something unexpected happened as the day was progressing. Throughout the day the lord showed me His presence in so many ways! I didn’t know what to think at first. It was like a vision. He was showing me how the tree and Janet’s illness were kind of the same. The journey’s were very similar.

As Nick was looking the trees over it was like a doctor examining a patient. He carefully looked up and down the trunk and took a look at the roots. It brought back memories of how Janet’s doctors examined her and checked over everything very thoroughly. After narrowing my choices down to two trees it didn’t take long for me to pick one. I had picked out a tree and it was perfect!

Now it was time to load the tree into the truck. Again, my ignorance of anything tree related was so evident at this time. I was completely trusting Nick. I’m so grateful that God brought him along to guide me for this special time! While he was loading up the tree he was so gentle. He took extra care to protect it while it was being moved.

After the tree was in the truck he wrapped it with twine and then with a tarp. He very gently turned it to get the tarp wrapped completely around it. He took extra care to protect it while it was being moved. We were going to plant the tree over an hour away in the middle of a pasture. It needed to be prepared for this long journey.

While I was watching the tree being so gently cared for, my mind went back to the hospital where I watched the nurses take care of Janet when they had to move her and she was in so much pain. I’m so thankful for the love and compassion the nurses had for Janet. It was a really tough job, but they did it with so much love and care.

As the day was progressing, in a strange way this tree was beginning to represent my sister. All of the steps dealing with this tree were bringing parallels in my mind. The tree . . . my sister. When I began to realize this I thought, this is so strange yet so amazing! I recognized it as a gift God was giving me and I just embraced it!

The tree was loaded and ready to go. The place I had chosen to plant it was on some of our pasture land. As we were driving there I was directly behind the truck with the tree. I felt like we were driving in a funeral procession. It was strange . . . I didn’t feel sad . . . I was happy! The excitement was building the closer we got to the pasture.

The place where I had chosen to plant is so beautiful. There is a small pond right beside it and will be somewhat protected from the strong Kansas winds. Janet would’ve loved it!

“He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for it’s leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8

There is ALOT of digging involved with planting a tree. Thankfully we had some of my family there to help. When it was time for the tree to go into it’s permanent home Nick looked at me and asked me what direction I wanted it and other specifics. More decisions. He said this is your tree you get to decide how you want it. To me it really didn’t matter . . . everything just seemed so perfect. At one point Nick made a comment that it was the prettiest tree out there. I loved this! To me it really was!

When we were finished with everything, I had such a peace in my heart that I can’t even explain. It was a perfect day. It had been a very dark and depressing Winter. On this glorious Spring day I realized that God had restored my JOY!

“ . . . weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

As the tree continues to grow . . . I am also. It’s hard to explain how planting this tree has changed my life. I am seeking God while I am continually working on my grief journey. As we dug into the earth to plant this tree . . . I am also digging into God’s word. As the trees roots grow deep into the soil . . . I am becoming rooted as I am learning to be the person God wants me to be. Planting this tree started out simply to help me recover from losing my sister . . . it’s become so much more. The parallels continue . . . only now it’s this beautiful tree and my spiritual journey.

Right at first I just cried . . . a lot! A couple of months after my sister Janets’ death I decided I needed some professional help to get me through this pain. When I first met my therapist, she asked me what I wanted to achieve with these sessions. My honest answer was to be able to tell the story of losing my sister without crying. I could not imagine doing that at this time. My first meeting with her, I just held the Kleenex box . . . the full box was empty by the time I left.

When I was so lost in grief a friend of mine shared this verse with me. It was refreshing to know how precious my tears were to God.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 58: 8

As the tears continued to roll down my face, I thought they represented a weak person. This verse brought so much comfort to me. When I realized that our Lord keeps track of every one of them, collects them, and writes all of them in a book, I knew how much He loved me and He was there every moment I was uncontrollably shedding those tears. I also thought he must have a pretty big bottle for all the tears I had cried!

The few months before she passed away was a time of excitement for me! She had been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer and the only way of surviving was a bone marrow transplant. I was able to be her donor since I was a 100% match! We were doing this amazing adventure together! In my mind I would give her my bone marrow . . . she would have a long process of getting healthy (that would just be a little bump in the road) . . . then she’d be fine . . . I had so much hope for her future!

That fairytale did not happen. Within the first week of the transplant her health began to decline . . . pretty rapidly. The doctors kept giving us hope. They were doing so many different procedures . . . none of them worked. She lived for 2 more months . . . then she was gone.

I can not describe how I felt at this time. The bottom of my world had dropped out from under me! I had so much hope for her full recovery! Hope was gone . . . sadness was overwhelming . . . joy was gone. I couldn’t imagine how I could be joyful when so much of my life as I knew it was gone. My pain was unbearable at times.

I was searching for hope and joy in my life. I was so lost in my depression that so much of the joy and hope for life was gone. Most people would not have seen this in me. I was good at masking my pain. I still loved being around my family and especially my little granddaughters! They did bring joy to my life, but when I was alone, my thoughts would take me back to my hopeless, joyless life . . . or so I thought it was.

I began reading my Bible more. I knew there is hope in the Lord . . . I knew there were answers in this book. I didn’t really know how to start.

One thing my therapist had me do was go back to the last few days with Janet . . . when I felt so alone and look to see where God was. I could see him in so many ways where He was taking care of me . . . through the nurses who loved on me . . . friends of Janet’s that I hardly knew . . . an amazing doctor who gave me hugs and let me cry into his shoulders. God was there in so many ways!

Christmas was right around the corner. I was dreading it. All of the firsts you experience are tough. I was not exempt from this pain.

I was approaching my Bible reading like I had never done before. I was searching for answers. Since we were in the middle of the Christmas season a verse that I have heard since I was a little girl came to life for me.

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means God with us). Matthew 1:23

God is with us! After listening to this verse in sermons and Christmas pageants for years, it came to life for me! God is with us . . .no matter where we are or what our circumstances are . . . He is with us! This brought hope back into my life!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will NEVER LEAVE YOU nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

Janet was my best friend . . . always was! She was the one I could talk to about anything!! She was my secret keeper . . . my sounding board. This was one of the hardest things for me about losing her . . . just knowing she was there for me was always so comforting. The Bible says that God will NEVER leave me! That is so encouraging to me. People will let us down . . . God won’t. God is with us and never is He going to leave us! That gives me hope for my future!

As I’m sitting here looking at this beautiful land . . . I think about how a city girl from Indiana could be in a pasture in Kansas perfectly content with life.

Well . . . she fell in love with a guy from Kansas, and in the process of doing life with him for a few decades, she fell in love with this picturesque pastureland that they’ve been blessed with.

That girl is me. When my husbands family purchased this land long ago it was bought for cattle to graze, not for a girl they didn’t even know existed, and who so desperately would need it years later. I have been blessed abundantly to be able to enjoy this beautiful place. Who would have thought how the puzzle pieces of my life would fit together?

God did . . . He knew how much I would need this place to escape my grief I was going through after losing my sister . . . He has opened my eyes and ears to the beauty and sounds that surround me while I’m here.

He knew that while I was growing up in Indiana with my sidekick sister, I would plant a tree in the middle of this pasture to represent her life.

This is my happy place . . .my escape from the world . . .my peace . . . contentment . . . where I walk in solitude . . . talk to god . . . listen to frogs croak and birds sing . . . work through grief . . . watch the cows . . . journal . . .read . . . sing . . . view the magnificent Kansas sunsets . . .

He knew I would need this place. It was all part of His amazing plan for my life . . . and that makes me very happy!